Saudede – /souˈdädə/ – an emotional state of conspicuous melancholic or profoundly nostalgic longing for something or someone that one cares for.

Tonight I took Finn for a long walk after work, which started with my normal obsession with fall leaves and colors. But then we started to notice trick-or-treaters trickling into the streets and the houses setting up to receive them. Neighbors filled tables with treats, played music (Thriller was the most popular selection), lounged in camping chairs and warmed themselves by fire pits.

Kids in costumes ranging from Pokemon to mermaids to football players fawned over Finnegan, the “sunflower dog.” Some kids even told us jokes (a St. Louis thing, I guess?) Here’s a freebie, if you haven’t found yours yet: Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Don’t cry!

While I found myself smiling constantly at the festivities and the hubbub, I also found myself feeling oddly melancholy and nostalgic – even teary – which reminded me of the saudade concept I’d read about. My kids have been grown for quite some time and I wouldn’t change a thing about our lives now. However, sometimes I sure miss some of these core memories of being a mom — trick-or-treating, Santa Claus, Christmas morning, Easter baskets. (Not the tooth fairy; she was a total slacker and would’ve cut my kids a check for their entire mouthful of teeth, if allowed.)

Gosh, I’ve loved being a mom.