When actor James Van Der Beek passed away recently, I saw a lot of lovely tributes around social media that seemed to show what kind of person he was off-screen. But when I watched this video he recorded on his birthday in March of last year called “You are loved,” it told me everything I could possibly need to know about him — and I thought it was worth passing along.

“When I was younger, I used to define myself as an actor, which was never really all that fulfilling. And then I became a husband, and that was much better. And then I became a father, and that was the ultimate. I could define myself then as a loving, capable, strong, supportive husband, father, provider, steward of the land that we’re so lucky to live on. And for a long time, that felt like a really good definition to the question, ‘Who am I?’ ‘What am I?’

“And then this year, I had to look my own mortality in the eye. I had to come nose to nose with death. And all of those definitions that I cared so deeply about were stripped from me. I was away for treatment. I could no longer be a husband that was helpful to my wife. I could no longer be a father who could pick up his kids and put them to bed and be there for them. I could not be a provider because I wasn’t working. I couldn’t even be a steward of the land, because at times I was too weak to prune all the trees during the window that you’re supposed to prune them.

“And so I was faced with the question, if I am just a too skinny, weak guy alone in an apartment with cancer, what am I? I meditated, and the answer came through: I am worthy of God’s love. Simply because I exist. And if I’m worthy of God’s love, shouldn’t I also be worthy of my own? And the same is true for you.

“As I move through this healing portal toward recovery, I wanted to share that with you because I think that revelation that came to me was due in no small part to all the prayers and the love that had been directed toward me. So I offer that to you, however it sits in your consciousness, however it resonates. Run with it. 

“And if the word God trips you up — I certainly don’t know, I can’t claim to know what God is or explain God. My efforts to connect to God are an ongoing process that is a constant unfolding mystery to me — but if it’s a trigger, if it feels too religious, you can take the word God out and your mantra can simply be, ‘I am worthy of love.’ Because you are.”

Oof. Pass the tissues.

The photo accompanying this post is another gift from this week related to love. When I was a little girl (think kindergarten), I remember coming home to find a surprise package in the mail. (And you know what a big deal it is for a kid to get mail.) Turns out my mom had responded to a promotion from Close Up toothpaste and ordered these for me as a surprise. It wasn’t my birthday or a special occasion — just an ordinary day and just because I was loved. Perhaps that is why the memory and delight of this pair of hugging monkeys — out of the COUNTLESS stuffed animals from my childhood — holds such a special place in my heart and memory.

For whatever reason, they had been on my mind recently, but I couldn’t remember what happened to them. So I found a set on eBay and ordered them. So this sweet symbol of my childhood — and how much I was loved — arrived in the mail this week and it makes me so happy.